8 ways to fall in love (again)

26 Apr 2017

Do you remember the time when you fell in love with your spouse?

You probably spend a lot of time together, talked a lot, touched each other, had sex or at least a lot of fantasies about it. You wanted to be with her or him as much as possible.

Well, we all know that being fallen in love is a very special time, but a limited time span in a relationship. If we make it through this time, the relationship enters a new stage: that of commitment, deep emotional connection and long term love. The good thing about it is that we feel safer and more secure in the relationship: so there is space again to think about other things than only one another. The disadvantage is that we get lazy and we take the relationship for granted. With all our responsibilities -things to be done and people to take care of- the relationship often gets a low priority. A big mistake!

Just as we need to eat and breathe our most important relationship needs nourishment in order to stay alive and kicking. It needs positive attention. It needs to make each other feel seen, supported and safe and secure.

8 ways to give positive attention:

  1. Be interested in and ask questions about his or her world
  2. Give compliments, show gratefulness, perceive and express what goes well
  3. Spend quality time together (your spouse is then the most important person in the world)
  4. Create rituals of connection like saying hello and goodbye, around eating, celebrating…
  5. Touch each other on a daily basis
  6. Organize a date night (or day) regularly
  7. Make time for sex and intimacy
  8. Be there when he or she needs you the most

What is the result? Love feelings grow, maybe differently than when you met, but probably even more precious and beautiful.

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