Touch me, Tiger! (8X) 🐯
03 nov 2016
As a couple therapist I, Ingeborg Weser often hear the complaint: ‘We don’t touch each other anymore’. When I think of the time the relationship with my former husband declined, not touching each other absolutely was a clear sign that there was something wrong between us. I also remember how this made me feel: lonely, stressed out and really unhappy.
But let’s talk now about the bright side of touch like holding hands, kissing, cuddling, hugging, kissing hello or good bye, shaking hands, sitting on a lap, spooning and snuggling, patting on the back etc. And surely it also includes erotic and sexual touch.
In this video we love to tell you more about 8 Facts that make you want to be touched (even more):
- Touch is a basic need: Did you know that touch is the first sense that develops during pregnancy? You were as little as 2,5 centimeters and around 8 weeks old whenyou were able to react to touching! After being born touching the baby is absolutely crucial for the development. Body contact with mother, father or other people gives a feeling of being loved, protected and being safe and secure. Touch makes magic through the skin, the largest organ that is absolutely existential, we cannot live without it. When to touch and how is highly dependent on cultural norms. Not everybody feels easy to touch in public like we do in western countries. HOW and WHEN we touch is highly variable, but THAT we need touch applies to all of us. It’s universal.
- Touch creates connections that make you happy: When touching each other you immediately and without filters feel the other person. Touch strengthens the bond. It makes you feel connected, belonging, wanted. Cuddling, kissing, sex, body contact makes you release this wonderful hormone ‘Oxytocine’ that makes you feel connected and blissfully happy. Not only for a moment but in the long run.
- Touch promotes openness: Being open means taking the guards down, being able to feel softer feelings like love and respect. It also means to transform vulnerability into strength. Touch promotes all that. It helps you to grow as a person and be the best you can possibly be.
- Touch improves intimacy: Erotic and sexual touch makes sex exciting and fulfilling, touch plays a huge role in foreplay! Non-erotic touch does not automatically lead to sexual feelings, but it CAN lead to feeling sexy, to more sexual desire, to wanting more intimacy. Just a reminder: especially women become much more interested in sex when they feel connected, when there is a heart-felt connection. Non-sexual touch can strengthen that.
- Touch reduces stress and anxiety: When you come home after a strenuous day in the office touching or being touched by your spouse, your children, your pet will reduce your stress level right away. As a massage does. When you experience difficult situations that feel dangerous it is a very natural and healthy response indeed wanting to be held by a loved one, in order to calm down and feeling supported and safe and secure. Do not think this is due only for children. It is true; they do find it much more easy to follow their natural impulse to be soothed. But: it is also due to adults, your spouse, yourself, your friends, your parents, and other people in need. It is necessary not to feel alone when you are in a challenging situation.
- Touch improves your health: Touch is not only beneficial for your soul, it is for your body too! Body contact reduces heart rates, lower blood pressure, lower cortisol levels (stress hormone) and it gives a boost to your immune system.
- Touch is beneficial when given with empathy: (There are ways of touching which are not beneficial at all: when it comes to making the other feel pain and acting out of selfishness.) Touch is beneficial when it comes with an attitude of love, respect and empathy: Put yourself in the shoes of the other person: Is he or she in a position that your touch can be received and enjoyed? Is your touch the right touch for him or her at this moment? You do not know? Just ask! Learn about what the other person wants and needs! Follow The Platinum Rule: Treat the other the way the other likes to be treated (by of course holding on to your own norms, values and criteria) So be interested in what the other person wants. This is way beyond The Golden Rule, where we focus on treating the other the way we like to be treated ourselves, which often results in very suboptimal results.
- Touch is beneficial when received fully: When you close yourself off when it comes to touch it will never be able to benefit you. It is your choice to do that. Sometimes the choice not to accept touch is very understandable (think of somebody that has had experiences with violent touch in the past). But sometimes it is a bad habit only not to take in what could be nourishing and pleasant for yourself. Be friendly with yourself and take the time to receive the touch that gives you love and connection. You and all of us are very much worth it!
We love to hear what Touch means and does for you and how you relate to these 8 Touching Facts!
In togetherness, Robert & Ingeborg